Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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