Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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