im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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