best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
