if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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