We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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