3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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