My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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