Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
