Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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