my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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