Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
