We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
