So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i can't believe i had my finger in that
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
