I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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