What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
