my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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