Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
