you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
