god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
