Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
