Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
