i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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