i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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