is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
