All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
