dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
