I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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