I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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