dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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