when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
sick fucks of a feather flock together
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
