Pappa wants mamma naked
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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