Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
