I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
