Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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