your thong is hanging out like whoa
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
