its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
