he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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