Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
