My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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