I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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