i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
