Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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