:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
