mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Let's paint friendship bongs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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