SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
two words: eviction party
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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