So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
