look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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