The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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