Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
