I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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