there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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