Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
