I got her a Nickelback box set.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
