i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
