Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
