You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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