talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
