i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
