apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
