she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize