I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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