It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
