She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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