Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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