Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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