The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bring me that man meat
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