I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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