I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
