theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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