I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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