i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
