I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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