The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
