Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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