I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
