I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
