just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
