its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
